Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
