:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
