you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
