Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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