So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
