U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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