My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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