I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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