o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
