it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
