He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm way too hungover for life right now
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
