so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
