someone get that fucking seahorse.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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