Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
