Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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