she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
