just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
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We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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