I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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