I'm going to jail i love you
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
