this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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