The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
