I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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