We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
