i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
