The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
