I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
