Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
