If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
