Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
vagina is talking i cant
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
