I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
