There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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