Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
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he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
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And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I forget how to act sober
Randomize