even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
