Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize