I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize