so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
