I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
