i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
