I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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