I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Randomize
