im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
