Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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