I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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