I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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