if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
