I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
