is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The struggles of a small town man whore
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
