awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize