her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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