i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
This house was built for laser tag.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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