Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
time to smoke my breakfast
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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