I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
