You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
