So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
