I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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