I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
