I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
