the day after is always just damage control
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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