My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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