I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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