is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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