Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
