Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
