I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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