Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
NoShamevember. You game?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
