Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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