well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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