my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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