he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
