Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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