I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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