bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
