I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize