It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
porn star boner night. come get it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
