Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
