I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
