My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
how drunk are you?
Several
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
