So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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