you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
