I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
